I am writing to you so as to best explain my actions proceeding up to my decision in saying that I saw you by the lake, and why I stuck by my story in the months leading up to your trial.I understand that this attempt at sharing my experiences with you, will be no means of atonement for the terrible distress I have caused you and Cecilia, I understand that despite how very, very sorry I am for my actions, there is nothing I can say to convey my sense of shame and remorse for my actions. I will do the best I can; however, to explain with no embellishments, what events lead me into my decision.
Firstly as a thirteen year old girl, living in the shadow of my older sister, life was by no means easy, this is what sparked my creative and literary interests and drove me to spend less time in reality but more in my imagined worlds, where I was the centre of everything. Mother had never given me a great deal of attention and Cecilia was my idol yet also a figure of jealousy. You, Robbie, became someone to look up to, and for a thirteen year old girl, a person whom I quickly believed I had fallen in love with.There are three key events that affected my judgment and view of you on that fateful, summer night, 5 years ago.Firstly, I must explain how I perceived the letter from you to Cecilia. Ultimately I saw it as an immense breach of my trust in you; it also led me to perceive you as a sex maniac, for even in all my literary interests, I had yet to come across such a vulgar word used in such a shocking way.
It both shocked and appalled me at the time, the letter’s contents are responsible for leading me to fear you while at the same time I did not know how I should act.Later that evening, I saw you with Cecilia in the library. I had previously made the wrong judgement that you must be a sex maniac; this led me to fear for Cecilia’s safety, I saw what you were doing as a malicious attack, believing afterwards that had it not been for my presence, something terrible may have come of Cecilia, my beloved sister.With al l my prior judgements, and previous decision in hating you, when I witnessed the tragic event by the lake, I really was confused by what I had seen. Immediately my mind jumped ahead, and I associated, what can only be described as a sex attack, with you Robbie after having already seen you with Cecilia that evening in the library. As I sat by Lola, trying to comfort her, asking who she thought it was, I could see no other alternative in my mind then blaming the crime on you Robbie, for you had betrayed my trust and love in you.My overall state of mind contributed immensely to my decision.
My age and lack of life experience, I believe can be attributed to my decision to stick by my story for months. In reality all I know is that the way I felt at the time was confused and horribly spiteful, more than any child should ever be capable of. I thank, you Robbie for hearing my words.
I am very, very sorry for denying you and Cecilia the time you both so deserved together.